Just Had A Look At My Team For The First Time In Ages And I don't Like What I See. This Is Going To Be A Lot Of Eff.

Might have to take deductions. Deadline day is coming, so I thought I'd have a look at my team. So much news to digest, new injuries, a lot needs doing and I'm on a tight budget.

CA's guide to surviving the International Break

Fant - unnecessary, Bant - waning, Life - on hold!

Living without fantasy football can feel like a Rebecca Black song - empty, pointless and a need to mame and destroy. Pile on a healthy dose of irrelevant conversation about the "state of British football outside of England" and endless debate over whatever retarded decisions Fabio Capello has unrecognizably mumbled in a press conference and you've got the makings of a depressing fortnight of football news. Well, get that old lawnmower blade away from your wrist and unhook the coax cable that you've looped round the light fixing in your bedroom, and check out CA's guide to surviving the International Break.

1. Temporary time-wasting: Until fant becomes relevant again why not find alternative time-wasting web experiences? A casual peruse of youtube perhaps or get lost in an addictive flash game? Apparently the internet has other uses than fant, porn, news and chat-roulette (in that order)?

2. Going outside: Hear me out though! I know your used to dark basements, computer screen glare and the monotone ramblings of football podcasts, but going outside will help to bide the time before the next Prem weekend. You could even try going somewhere with grass that will allow you to practice the very skills that have become little more than a trading commodity for your Fantasy minions.

3. A casual gambling addiction: How about replacing the competitive adrenaline of Fantasy Football with an equally gut wrenching and heart pounding exercise like football betting? Many a lessons from your fantasy team can be taken to this arena however the art of deduction - in this case from your bank account - is one that will both teach you important lessons and disrupt the tranquility of your lifestyle.

4. Ladies love a lame loser: Rather than masturbating over Suarez turning around a lame performance with a late goal and irrational bonus - apparently ladies love a man who pays attention to their pointless stories and constant complaints. Use the time without fant to save up some lady credits so that when football really matters she may let you tell her to go "fix up some nachos bitch" while you salivate over Rooney coming within 20 metres of the football!

5. Over-prepare: If none of the above can replace the fix of fant you need - why not succumb to your urges, continually dream about what you would do with a wild-card, make 5-step transfer plans or just look at random fant teams around the web to calm the fant beast that refuses to quit.

ABOVE ALL - STAY CALM! Fantasy Football will be back in your life before you know it... wait intently and you shall be rewarded! Rejoice! For life is for FANT - and with it shall bring forth the BANT!

Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) (The Official 2010 FIFA ...

Who has it?

Draids. I'm trying to think to myself who has draids at the moment... any ideas? I think its up in the air at the moment with the international break. I think we will find out who has it in the next gameweek. I think that Taiki might have surrendered himself to draids when he named himself 'the doubleweek'.

How i imagine JC feels at the top of the league.

Could the internationals give you a lucky break?

The prem makes way for international fixtures this week, as does anything Fant related. Transfers will be put on hold, thoughts of who to captain and bench too distant, all in all its a no-show.

However, there seems to be one good reason to care about the internationals, possible injuries!

If the internationals week could bring me 3 cheeky little lucky 'breaks' I'd go for; Lamps, Bent, VDV.

Its no coincidence that these players are in JC's team, but they also represent players I feel I will have to get if they hit form. Hopefully they hit the stretcher.

The new site design.

Rather than elaborately designing a site i've gone for a very minimalist - Black & White with a hint of Orange - design.  I'm still tinkering but this will be the general gist of things.

Thoughts?  Or even better - vote using the poll?!

Buying at the peak!

No doubt this has happened to more of the lowly players languishing at the bottom, than those of us with a cunning nose for a purchase at the top. But every now and then we all do it the wrong way round. I'm talking about buying a player when they get to the top of the little form graph:

hoping they will continue to shine, and then seeing them plummet into the abyss all the while clinging on to the hope that they will perform as they once did.

I can say that even the most magnificent of players (please see my current global league standing for evidence) suffer from this curse; I'm currently stuck in the middle of this once hypothetical situation with a certain Aston Villa player who isn't knocking them in anymore. Anybody had or still have a 'buying at the peak' player?

JC

Bone to pick

Right, well firstly thanks to the computer boys for setting this up. I'm not sure how much Joe was involved, and I'm not sure if he would be considered a computer boy, but thanks anyway. So am I being led to believe that this site is what is to become a lucrative set-up and a go-to for all future Fanters(?) to banterz. Hopefully it will be.

Bone to Pick

a) Why am i getting so much stick for the awesome nickname 'Double Week' when there are stronger contenders for the most imbecile of monikers in "The Champion of Capua" and "An Ocean of Coin". Sorry? Take a dose of Charlie Sheen did we? AYO. topical.

b) Anyway, to stick to the topic- fant- bonus points, or bone, has given me serious ball ache. I thought it was a myth at first, but there really is a citizenship bone for English players. There are so few teams, except foreigner Arsenal, who have never had one of their English players getting boned. Case in point, Everton vs. Fulham this past weekend. 3, 2, and 1 Bone was allocated respectively to Baines, Murphy and Hughes (http://fantasy.premierleague.com/fixture/153.html). Don't know if anyone watched the match (in Kenya we get ALL matches), but Murphy and Hughes? Get out. Coleman and Dempsey were clearly awesomer.

c) I think Kim Deal was addressing Charlie Adam when she sang 'You're a bone machine'. It's annoying. Why is he so good? Big fish, small pond, I guess. But he's had 43 bone points. That boy gets boned. Hard. And 6 of his 9 goals have come from penalties, 1 from a free kick and 2 from open play (correct me if I'm wrong), which all leads me to believe that it is a grave error not to have him. Nevertheless, Fulham away and Arsenal at home don't look too appealing, and in my position of vying for mid-table, I do need some differential, so it may make sense to hold off on him till his run of 4 home games. What do you think Capua Champ?

Notes From a Champion

To sum up my current feelings regarding fant, I have decided to evoke the wisdom of Dr.Dre; "I'ma giant, and I ain't gotta move till I'm provoked. When I see you, I'ma step on you and not even know it"

And here I am. The current champion, two time winner of fant, a metaphorical fant giant, stirred from his pinnacle at the top of fant mountain, poised at the precipice of failure.

'Why?', I hear you ask. Well, the answer lies in what can only be described as a 'plucky' effort by some of the league members, most notably Julian 'An Ocean of Coin' Campbell, who has been riding his luck harder than Roon rides grannies.

Hopefully the natural order of things will soon be restored and I can regain my rightful place at the head of fant.

Next Post: Relegation battle heats up at the bottom between CA and the Doubleweek.

CA's stat book - Episode 1:AAR

AAR (Awesomeness Above Replacement).

AAR is all about taking a trip to Awesomeville with the right player at the right time. Its a means of assessing fant talent by eliminating prestige and points and deciding if a player will come through for you when you need him most.

For example Van Persie's AAR is about a +4 when considering league average strikers for the amount of minutes played and the general flair and consistency he brings to the table. He defies oppositional considerations and becomes a banker even when faced with elimination from every single competition football can throw at Arsenal. He is not a man but a champion of awesome and about 4 points better per game than plugging Darren Bent in your team and takin a trip to Average Town.

CA OUT

Lets get crackin'

I'm metaphorically taking my hat off to you Joe, hopefully this is the first step to a full www.fantbant.com url. Somewhere to go to release all my fantasy banter other than xbox live.

I'm hoping that it takes off, especially next year when I will have to defend my title.

JC