CA's guide to surviving the International Break

Fant - unnecessary, Bant - waning, Life - on hold!

Living without fantasy football can feel like a Rebecca Black song - empty, pointless and a need to mame and destroy. Pile on a healthy dose of irrelevant conversation about the "state of British football outside of England" and endless debate over whatever retarded decisions Fabio Capello has unrecognizably mumbled in a press conference and you've got the makings of a depressing fortnight of football news. Well, get that old lawnmower blade away from your wrist and unhook the coax cable that you've looped round the light fixing in your bedroom, and check out CA's guide to surviving the International Break.

1. Temporary time-wasting: Until fant becomes relevant again why not find alternative time-wasting web experiences? A casual peruse of youtube perhaps or get lost in an addictive flash game? Apparently the internet has other uses than fant, porn, news and chat-roulette (in that order)?

2. Going outside: Hear me out though! I know your used to dark basements, computer screen glare and the monotone ramblings of football podcasts, but going outside will help to bide the time before the next Prem weekend. You could even try going somewhere with grass that will allow you to practice the very skills that have become little more than a trading commodity for your Fantasy minions.

3. A casual gambling addiction: How about replacing the competitive adrenaline of Fantasy Football with an equally gut wrenching and heart pounding exercise like football betting? Many a lessons from your fantasy team can be taken to this arena however the art of deduction - in this case from your bank account - is one that will both teach you important lessons and disrupt the tranquility of your lifestyle.

4. Ladies love a lame loser: Rather than masturbating over Suarez turning around a lame performance with a late goal and irrational bonus - apparently ladies love a man who pays attention to their pointless stories and constant complaints. Use the time without fant to save up some lady credits so that when football really matters she may let you tell her to go "fix up some nachos bitch" while you salivate over Rooney coming within 20 metres of the football!

5. Over-prepare: If none of the above can replace the fix of fant you need - why not succumb to your urges, continually dream about what you would do with a wild-card, make 5-step transfer plans or just look at random fant teams around the web to calm the fant beast that refuses to quit.

ABOVE ALL - STAY CALM! Fantasy Football will be back in your life before you know it... wait intently and you shall be rewarded! Rejoice! For life is for FANT - and with it shall bring forth the BANT!